for the nth time in my life, here i am again at this stage. at the stage where my whole world falls down on me, at the stage where all my hopes fail, at the stage where I am bleeding again... inside.

it seems just yesterday when i had a thing for guy1, but when he had a girl, i didn't really care. i guess it was the reason why falling for "him" was not hard. i guess my heart was empty when he came.

it thought i got the right signal, but then, i was mistaken...again. it was not what he was thinking. it was not the same "wavelength" as what i would often say. just like what robert said, good deeds often seem to be the right signals, but then they would explode on your face and you'll just fall into pieces.

how i wish i am her. how i wish i am in her place. how i wish to get a piece of that special feelings you have for her.

what the heck. i would never be somebody else. i would never be her. i would never be with you. i would just be me, a friend, a sister, what else? bestfriend?

this feeling is the most cruel thing that exists. yeah, i'm crying right now. sitting in front of the computer, typing emotional words at 11:54 pm for nothing. you wouldn't be able to read this anyway. as if you would even care to think about doing it.

whatever. i'm miserable. i keep on thinking, is my laughter a mask of what i truly feel? right now, yes. but maybe, that laughter has faded. the happiness is gone. will i be whole again? i hope so. but not now. i'm shattered into pieces.