arrgh!! i'm still into him. it's like every day is a mixture of joys and tears that i feel for whatever we have right now. i very much appreciate the friendship. it's not like what i had from other people before, there is something different that i really do appreciate.

but at the back of my mind, the happiness that i feel is nothing compared to the pain of waiting in vain. waiting...again. i might sound evil when i say that i'm waiting for them to break up, but i am.

this has happened before. there was this guy who i thought i had something special with, but he ended up having a girlfriend and i really did pray that they break up. eventually, they did, but that was after the time i realized that he is not worth my time. there are better guys out there.

and now, it's happening again. there he is, happy with his someone special. and here i am, waiting again. waiting for the time that he would eventually give me some attention. i just hope that when that happens, it's not too late.

i don't know. it's not like the relationship that my ex-someone special and his ex-girlfriend had. this one is more serious. the one that my ex-SS had was sort of a fling and he wasn't really that serious. but this one, i think it would last long. and that would mean i would have to wait longer. besides, their relationship just started and it's hard to end something that just started, right? [ding]

what if they were not together? would there be an "us"? would that be an enough reason for something special to grow?

i really hate this feeling. much more that the guy is taken. you just can't do anything because he is in a relationship. it's like waiting indefinitely.